Warning Signs of Abuse
Warning Signs of Domestic Abuse
Are you or someone you care about in an abusive relationship? Domestic abuse can take many forms and often begins with subtle, manipulative behaviours. Recognising the warning signs early can help protect yourself or someone you love.
At the start of a relationship, abusers often present as charming, attentive, romantic, and supportive at first. They put on a façade, a deceptive outward appearance; they don’t show their real self until they have gained their partner’s trust and love. The abuser's motive is to gain and maintain power and control over the other person.
Recognising Red Flags: Early Warning Signs of Abuse
Here are some "red flags" that may indicate an abusive relationship or one that could become abusive:
Jealousy and Possessiveness -They want to be with you constantly, accuse you of cheating or flirting with others, and monitor your every move through calls and texts. This behaviour isn’t motivated by care—it’s about control.
Rushing the Relationship - They claim "love at first sight" and pressure you for commitment too soon. They try to push the relationship forward at a pace that’s uncomfortable for you, not allowing space for natural growth.
Love Bombing- They overwhelm you with excessive compliments, extravagant gifts, and declarations of love early on. This intense attention is meant to manipulate your emotions and create dependency.
Isolation- They try to cut you off from family, friends, and other support networks, often framing it as concern for your well-being. They may make demeaning comments about the people close to you, such as “You don’t need them now that you have me” or “I’m the only one who truly cares about you.”
Feeling Fearful or Walking on Eggshells- You may feel constantly anxious, as though you need to be careful not to upset them. This fear is a major indicator of emotional manipulation and control.
Quick Temper and Aggressive Behaviour- They get angry quickly or show aggression—verbally or physically. This may include yelling, shoving, or physically blocking your exit.
Pressure to Have Sex - They try to guilt-trip or emotionally manipulate you into sex, sulking, or getting angry when you refuse. They might also make sexual or degrading comments that make you uncomfortable.
Manipulative Phrases - They might say things like, "If you really loved me, you would..." to pressure you into doing things you’re not comfortable with.
Hypersensitivity- They react to the smallest perceived slights with anger or outrage. They may see everything as a personal attack and are easily offended by comments or actions that seem harmless to others.
Boasting About Past Mistreatment - They brag about mistreating others—like ex-partners or family members—and minimise their actions, claiming that the other person was “crazy” or that it “wasn’t that bad.” This is a huge red flag.
Blaming Others- They never take responsibility for their actions or behaviour. When problems arise, it’s always someone else’s fault.
Substance Abuse- The use of drugs or alcohol can exacerbate controlling and abusive behaviour, though abuse can happen with or without substance involvement.
Cruelty to Animals or People- They may exhibit cruelty toward animals or children, or show a lack of empathy for others.
Mood Swings- Sudden, extreme mood changes can make the relationship feel unpredictable and unsafe. One moment they’re loving, and the next, they’re angry or sad.
Disrespect for Your Boundaries - They disregard your privacy or belongings, snooping through your personal items or dismissing your needs and space.
A short film about Domestic Abuse ( Please note: This video contains sensitive content. Viewer discretion is advised. If you feel this material may be distressing, we encourage you to proceed with caution or do not watch it)
The short film called 'Eggshells' is about domestic abuse, It has been created by Made By Mortals Production. and can be found on YouTube: https://youtu.be/YlHxhmOsrHo?si=cx1ctv8R52qL-SGf
In the description it states that It has been co-produced by a team of professional artists, partners in health and social care and a group of women who have courageously shared their lived experience for the benefit of other people.
www.madebymortals.org
The Cycle of Abuse: Understanding the Pattern
The cycle of abuse is a repetitive pattern that often occurs in abusive relationships, making it difficult for the victim to escape. Understanding this cycle is crucial for recognising the signs of abuse and seeking help.
The Cycle Typically Consists of Four Stages:
Tension Building
In this phase, the abuser becomes increasingly critical, angry, passive-aggressive or irritable. Incidents of relatively minor incidents of verbal abuse or emotional manipulation may occur. The victim can sense a change in the abuser's behaviour as the tension begins to build. It leads to a heightened state of anxiousness and hypervigilance; the Victim feels as though they are 'walking on eggshells' and can often try to placate the abuser to avoid an outburst.
Incident of Abuse
The tension erupts into an abusive act—physical or sexual violence, threatening behaviour, or verbal abuse. The victim feels trapped and powerless.
Reconciliation (or Honeymoon Phase)
After the abuse, the abuser may apologise, deny the abuse, or try to make amends. The abuser may promise it will never happen again, and the victim may feel hope that things will improve. This is often the phase where the victim is emotionally manipulated into staying.
Calm or "Normal" Phase
There’s a period of relative peace where the abuser behaves normally, and the victim feels relief. However, the tension starts to build again, and the cycle repeats.
As the abuse intensifies over time, the calm and reconciliation phases may disappear entirely, with the tension and abuse escalating rapidly.
Why is the Cycle Dangerous?
The cycle makes it hard for the victim to leave. The "honeymoon" phase creates hope, while the abuser’s promises of change can keep the victim trapped. Over time, the cycle becomes more intense, and the abuse escalates.
If You Recognise These Signs:
You don’t have to face an abusive relationship alone. If any of these signs sound familiar, or if you’re in danger, it’s important to reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or professional. Help is available, and you deserve to feel safe and secure in your relationships and live a life free from abuse.