Warning signs of domestic abuse
Are you or someone you care about in an abusive relationship? Here’s how to recognise the signs of domestic abuse.
At the start of relationship, abusers often present as charming, attentive, romantic, and seemingly supportive at first. Abusers put on a façade, a deceptive outward appearance; they don’t show their real self until they have gained their partner’s trust and love. The abusers motive is to gain and maintain power and control over the other person.
So how do you spot the signs?
‘Red flags’ are warning signs that a relationship is or will become abusive. The following are some ‘Red Flags’ to look for out for in a new relationship:
JEALOUS AND POSSESSIVE – They want to be with you constantly. Accuses you of cheating/ liking other people. Follows you, constantly calling/texting. Note: They don’t want to know where you are all the time because they care about you; they do it to keep tabs on you AND to control you.
GETS TOO SERIOUS TOO FAST– Claims love at first sight. Pressure for commitment. Pushes for instant closeness and does not allow the relationship to grow at a pace that is comfortable to you.
’LOVE BOMBING’/PUTS YOU ON PEDESTAL – Compliments you in a way that’s ‘over the top’. Showers you with gifts. Tells you they ‘love you’ very early on in the relationship.
ISOLATION- Tries to make you feel guilty for wanting contact with family, friends or for participating in activities outside the relationship. Puts down your family and friends. They may package it as “looking out for your best interest”. They may say things like “you don’t need your family/friends” “You deserve better” “You don’t need them now you have me”.
THEY SCARE YOU – You feel on edge, walking on eggshells.
GETS ANGRY / AGGRESSIVE QUICKLY – Verbal abuse. Pushes, shoves, or physically restrains you from leaving the room.
PRESSURE YOU TO HAVE SEX –Sulks, gets angry, guilt-trips you in order to manipulate you into compliance. Makes sexual or degrading jokes about you. Does/says things that make you feel uncomfortable.
ATTEMPTS TO MANIPULATE YOU INTO DOING SOMTHING BY SAYING “If you really loved me you would…..”
HYPERSENSITIVITY – Easily insulted. Sees everything as a personal attack. Unpredictable.
BOASTS ABOUT MISTREATING OTHERS – You hear that the person has been abusive to someone else, this could be an ex-partner or family member. They say it’s a lie, or their ex was “crazy,” or it wasn’t that bad. This is a significant red flag!
BLAMES OTHERS FOR PROBLEMS – If there are problems, it is always someone else’s fault. Won’t take responsibility for own behaviour.
USES DRUGS
DISRESPECFUL AND CRUEL TO OTHERS – Punishes animals or children cruelly. Insensitive to pain and suffering. Teases children until they cry. Doesn’t treat others with respect. Dismissive of others’ feelings.
CONSTANTLY MOODY OR AGITATED – Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Sudden mood changes- like they have two personalities. One minute nice, next minute exploding. One minute happy, next minute sad.
DOESN’T RESPECT YOUR PROPERTY OR PRIVACY.
Domestic Abuse Warning Signs Quiz
To help determine whether your relationship is abusive, download our domestic abuse warning sign quiz here
For further information on warning signs of abuse, check out these resources
https://www.ncdv.org.uk/signs-of-domestic-violence/
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/help-for-men-who-are-being-abused.htm
Help and support
If you believe you are or may be in an abusive relationship, don’t suffer in silence, speak to a trusted person about your situation.
Contact the Support Hub for a free confidential chat about your situation. We are here to listen. We won’t judge or tell you what to do. You don’t even need to give your name if you don’t want to, you can contact us anonymously.
We can offer you advice and guidance on a range of situations and we can also signpost you to relevant services in the local area.
Call us 01522 510041 or Email: info@ldass.org.uk . Chat with us using the link below
