A Survivor’s experience

Abigail’s Story

When I first met him, he seemed perfect. He was charming and attentive and made me feel like I was the most important person in his world. I confided in him and trusted him. For a while, it felt like a dream come true. 

But slowly, things began to change. The compliments turned into criticisms, and the warmth became cold. “You’re so amazing,” turned into “You think you’re so much better than me.” The loving gestures were replaced by jealousy and control. He’d find ways to twist things I’d shared with him, using them against me to make me feel like I was the problem and I began to think I was. 

The verbal abuse started slowly, just small digs here and there at first, but over time, it got worse. Nothing I did was ever good enough. He’d call me names and tell me I was worthless, that I was fat, stupid, and unattractive. Each day, I felt like a shell of myself. 

The physical abuse began once I started to speak up. A shove here, a slap there, always followed by an apology—an apology, I would believe, because I wanted things to go back to normal and I loved him. I kept convincing myself it was a “one-off” or that it was my fault somehow. I made excuses for him, trying to explain away his anger. “He’s stressed,” I’d tell myself. “If I just do better, it will stop.” 

But it didn’t stop. It got worse, much worse!. When I was pregnant, things took a darker turn. He became obsessed with controlling every aspect of my life, even down to how I felt about the pregnancy. I was terrified to tell him how I truly felt, afraid of what he might do or say. I was constantly walking on eggshells. 

One night, after a particularly heated argument, he attacked me. I remember thinking that I wouldn’t make it out of that room. The fear was overwhelming.  That was the turning point for me; when I next had the opportunity, I reached out to the domestic abuse support service. The support was overwhelming. Finally, someone was listening and I was believed. I learned that what I was going through was not my fault, and I started to understand that I wasn’t crazy or weak. I was a victim of abuse and not to blame. 

It wasn’t easy to leave. He would apologise, cry, and promise things would change. But deep down, I knew they wouldn’t. I stayed because I was afraid of what he might do next, or how he would react if I left. But slowly, with support, I gained the strength to make a change. 

Leaving wasn’t the end, though. It was just the beginning of a long journey. I still struggled with self-blame and feelings of shame. I wondered why I hadn’t left sooner, why I had let it go on for so long. But through therapy and talking to other survivors, I began to realise that domestic abuse is a cycle, and breaking free takes time. 

Now, with the help of the charity and other support services, I’m learning to rebuild my life. I still have bad days, but I feel so much stronger now. I have a new sense of self-worth, and I’m no longer defined by what he did to me. I have hope for the future, and I now know that I am free and in control of my own life. 

If you’re experiencing abuse or even just feeling that something isn’t right, trust your instincts. What you’re going through is not your fault, and you don’t have to face it alone. There is help and a way out. Reach out, pick up the phone, and take the first step toward a safer, healthier future.